I take the large bag of dried mushrooms, dump into the blender, pour water in, turn it on. In one frenzied swoop of defiance against my ever safe, vigilant, BORING SELF WHO DOESN”T WANT TO DIE TO HIS FORMER SELVES EVERY moment and still expects safety. I must act quickly before the administrators in my mind talk me out of it. ETERNALLY GRATEFUL that I acted on impulsive soul intuition. None of the rational, logic bullshit today. Silly illusions of permanence, I’ll be ash and dust, soon enough. I’m ready to die, spirits, I need a cleansing and a reboot. Anything but this half-assed bullshit I have called a life, up to now. Let’s do this.
After I down the mixture of mushroom bits and water, I nervously pace, OK, OK, OK….. it’s beautiful out, I’ll take a quick bike ride while the come-up is happening. I ride slowly and pass this guy from the neighborhood walking his german shepherd, they seem a welcome company on the street. The breeze picks up, I feel a calm sweeping in, ever so slowly. It’s as if my mind is preparing itself and can now finally relax that I have ingested the full dose, gotten over the massive hump of indecision. I call this ego-fear. The ego will always pre-emptively try to dissuade you from learning about your own shadow.
Oh, the welcome relief I feel from knowing that a massive amount of my shadow will be shown to me today and it’s too late to turn back now. STRAP IN PETER. FUCK IT! EVEN IF IT’S HELL AT LEAST I MADE A FUCKING DECISION.
INDECISION IS A MUCH WORSE HELL THAN ANYTHING I’VE EXPERIENCED FROM MAKING CONTACT WITH MUSHROOM SPIRITS. The spirits are usually friendly now, and take extra care to calm me at the beginning as if they know how much fear I am holding.
We’re in the trip now. I always take them on an empty stomach to have a faster come up. At about 10-15 minutes since I took it, riding the bike, gazing up at the tree branches rocking back and forth in the breeze. I feel the lightness, I slowly sense I am returning to a place of : OHHHHHHHHHHHHHH YEAH PETE, WE’RE BACK IN THE PLACE WHERE IT IS CRYSTAL CLEAR HOW BRUTAL THIS SOCIETY TEACHES PEOPLE TO BE TO THEMSELVES. WE’RE COMING BACK INTO THIS PLACE WHERE ANY SHAME AND STRESS FEELS LIKE PURE INSANITY AND LAUGHABLE. I AM A BEAUTIFUL MIRACLE ANGEL AND LIFE IS A PARTY. WHY AM I STUCK IN THAT SILLY SILLY HYPER-LOOP OF COMPLETE AND UTTER BULLSHIT ALL THE TIME?? IT SEEMS LIKE A MASOCHIST’S DREAM. AND MAN, ALL THE PSYCHOPATHS, (THEY ALMOST SUCCESSFULLY CONVINCED ME THAT IT WAS NORMAL TO BE A PSYCHOPATH TOO!) THEY MAKE IT SEEM SO, SO NORMAL AND NOT LIKE WE ALL HAVE A DEATH WISH- USING THE POWER OF OUR OWN SHAME. WE LOVE SHAME! IT’S OUR FAVORITE HOBBY BECAUSE SOCIETY TAUGHT US THAT IT WAS THE WAY WE WERE SUPPOSED TO PROCESS INFORMATION AND COMPETE, IN ORDER TO BE LOVED.
I head back towards the garage, I look around, see the people, mowing lawns, someone parking their car, thinking…..each human is completely in their own reality. I’m going to visit a different dimension today, right next to all these people that don’t even know that all these different dimensions exist. It’s so sad. WHY DON”T THEY CARE ABOUT THESE DIMENSIONS, WHERE MAGIC AND HEALING FROM HIGHER WORLDS IS AVAILABLE??? Perhaps because this society that teaches FEAR, FEAR, FEAR, and more FEAR of the other and the unknown, buy a new body, even when you destroy yours, everything is a disposable object to be exploited for profit. You don’t have a magical spirit….. just buy more bullshit and keep your eyeballs on this human trash on the TV.
As I close the garage and close, the doors, lower the shades. I am painfully aware of the barriers. As I turn the metal latch on the front door and hear “SWACK”, it hits me, I feel the heaviness of the barriers, I feel the feelings of separation deep in my soul. I feel the separation of our whole world and this whole society in that one moment, it feels so tragic. The foundation of this traumatized society who are asleep to true divine power. I see, if only for a few minutes that- I was never able to notice because it’s the only thing I have ever known, but we are so divided and scared of our fellow humans. Why are we so isolated? Why has it become SO NORMALIZED AND ENCOURAGED? WHY ARE MY SHADES ALWAYS DOWN, THE DOORS ALWAYS LOCKED? WHY DO WE FEAR OUR NEIGHBORS? WHY DON’T WE HAVE COMMUNITY WITH THEM AND LEAN ON EACH OTHER FOR LOVE AND SUPPORT, CELEBRATION?
I wash my hands and look in the mirror. The sharp chisel of my masochistic introspection becomes more acute and precise. NO NO, get away from the mirror Peter. You self-absorbed fuck. I can’t handle looking at the appearance at my human avatar during this soul excavation, goddamnit, it’s enough to confront all my repressed pain and shame …… without having to see my face.
I make my way up the stairs, staggering a bit, time is becoming the elastic band again. I make it into the sweet, refuge of my bed, just in time, for the traversal of dimensions. I can’t handle physical movement and interaction at this point.
I feel an immediate presence around my heart, a gradual lightening of my entire existence. Every moment, every thought, stressor, perceived fault or thought of inadequacy seems like the silliest daydream, a distant memory from a life I was never meant to be living. While on this frequency channel, this state, it seems impossible to hold any thought that opposes pure, boundless love for all things. It is almost like a force field of shimmering, sparkling, golden light has formed around me, within which there is only the most pure, potent, divine, all-consuming love. I am holding absolutely nothing in my mind yet at the same time I am floating in a fuzzy, warm, massaging ocean of love.
I feel myself aligning into the force or orbit of something so holy and profound. An earth-shaking awe snuggles into every cell of my being. My DNA strands seem to be dancing, as they are excited to be meeting something that will be a profound turning point in my spiritual evolution. These beings or entities seem to have some higher dimensional surgical instruments. The higher-dimensional scalpel of some sort makes an incision in my light body, near my heart chakra. I feel it as a vibration, a sweeping in a very cool, ice-y breeze around my chest. I am immediately take my shirt off to remove the barriers for them. It seems to go well. I feel a scooping of some sort, something is being removed from my heart, in their dimension (being done on my light-body).
By this point in the trip, I have acknowledged the unmistakable presence of a benevolent, very much sentient, entity/spirit in the room with me and that it is willing to communicate and work with me in a mode of healing or surgery. I am still calibrating and marveling at the majestic, grand presence of this entity, but as each minute elapses I seem to become more comfortable with it.
It seems my thoughts and processing power of my brain is in hyper-computing and hyper-intuition mode. As in, as soon as I have a thought, it seems to bounce back in an answer in the form of intuition, heart feeling, and emotional language. But the line muddles between her thoughts and my thoughts. I have considered the possibility that she was sending down frequencies straight into my brain in the form of thoughts that helped to re-formulate, and re-construct, brick-by-brick, the stories I have told myself my whole life, regarding how people view me, how I push others away, how I harm others, how my ego-swelling, and my childhood wounds often blind me.
I speak out loud to her, although it seems my thoughts would do just fine in communicating with her/it. Almost like she knows my thoughts and feelings before they even happen, I should just relax and shut up, but I don’t.
Thank you for being here, I love you. Are you a guardian of mine of some sort? I’m ready, let’s do this, whatever, needs to come out, I can take the pain, whatever we gotta relive, let’s do this. I love you, I trust you.
ASIDE: Spirits are intelligent and much more pleasant to converse with, than most humans…not to mention they are way better listeners than most people. I talk out loud to spirits and my higher self all the time in meditation and in day. OF COURSE they hear me and of course they love me and are working overtime for me at every moment. Your team of angels and guardians are just waiting for you to open the lines of communication and put them to work. What are you waiting for? You command a team/higher dimensional soul group of spirits that signed up to assist you while you were in a 3D human body. You came here on a mission behind enemy lines, to awaken the warrior God spirit in humans again. We doing this or what?
I sense green all around me, this earthiness, about this spirit, I sense, or the picture or idea, that my mind constructs around this state of being, is being on a tile floor, in the middle of laundry room with about 10 large potted plants that are obnoxiously large and take up about every square inch of the room so there is not much room to breathe. I am in what feels like the house of a stern mother who doesn’t take any shit and would not be bothered with small talk. She was here for very specific work on my body and soul. Best I just shut up and let her go to work. This spirit seemed to know, that I knew exactly why she was here, like:
Peter, you can handle this, your fine. Let me do what I gotta do and get out of here, you’ve been here before, your cries for comfort aren’t going to get any play with me.
…..Fair point, I have been through this before. My whiney, helpless, routine is a little played out.
My continual questions were met with an ice-y, presence that stood it’s ground, sort of like waiting for me to shut up so she could get to work. But still warm and inviting, in a stern, yet affectionate motherly kind of way. A few minutes into it, and I am calibrating and feeling a deep and unshakable trust grow in my soul for this spirit and the work. As soon as we were on the same frequency channel, and she knew I was completely present and feeling safe, I felt a moving and a rustling around the top of my head, in that dimension, I could feel it sort of trying to fit in and lock in, like a screw to hole in the wall. It was a tube of some kind, like one of those Air conditioning large, meshy metallic tubes.
Once it was “locked in,” I started getting freezing cold shivers throughout my body, and then convulsing in the stomach/torso area, like electro-shocks running up my spine and through my stomach. Something, many things were moving through me, from the bottom of my body, out the top, it is as if it was a vacuum that was pulling traumatic memories out of me that had been stored in my muscles, previously. I put on another comforter, although my shirt and pants were damp with sweat. My trust in the spirit at this point was so strong, that I had not even an ounce of doubt or fear.
After the vacuuming of the poison was done with. I just feel a pure, very distinctly, E.T. force of light, that contained something completely incomprehensible at the conscious level, but perhaps contains years and years worth of knowledge that will serve me in the future? Or it is simply a divine light that is so powerful that it can burn up anything out of alignment, and ignite my spark in such as a big way as to initiate me straight into my soul mission? WHO KNOWS!
It wasn’t so much, (Hey Peter, let’s re-formulate this relationship, and this vantage point and deconstruct this specific memory, line by line) like many other trips I’ve had. This trip it was more like PETER-LIFE IS A MIRACLE OF INCOMPREHENSIBLE ETERNAL INFINITE PLEASURE, HAVE YOU HEARD THAT A HEART IS THE MOST POWERFUL THING ON THIS EARTH AND YOUR ORIGIN IS PURE DIVINE LOVE AND IT’S THE ONLY THAT HAS EVER EXISTED AND WILL EVER EXIST- WE GOOD NOW???
WE NEED BOOTS ON THE GROUND ON THIS SHIT-SHOW DOWN ON EARTH——SPREAD LOVE AND MIRACLES AND I’M HERE FOR YOU FOR SUPPORT, BUT ONLY WHEN YOU ARE ALIGNED WITH UNIVERSAL LOVE AND HUMILITY FOR THE ENTIRE COLLECTIVE, THE INTENTION CAN’T BE USED FOR JUST YOU, DUMBASS. WAKE UP AND GO HAVE HEART SEX EVERY MOMENT BY BEING IN THE LOVE FREQUENCY ALL THE TIME. HEAVEN IS AVAILABLE TO YOU EVERY SINGLE MOMENT, STOP LOOKING ELSEWHERE FOR IT.
This seems to last about 10 minutes, but time is completely distorted as a result of my thought processing power is magnified by one thousand. Just pure orgasmic ecstasy, unity with all that is and all that EVER WAS PERHAPS? Drinking from the well of eternity???? Having the burden and imaginary weight of space and time lifted off of my soul for a short episode in PURE LOVE. THE WAY WE WERE ALWAYS MEANT TO EXIST!?!. Something had been cleaned and excavated, now I was filled with pure divine light that was orgasmic for every single second. I was in a state of pure consciousness, a state of no-mind, just existing in a state of pure love frequency: BEING. Which I now think, when you are in a state of pure BEING what is there to KNOW? What knowledge is there to strive for or try to attain, you just dissolve into the light of your soul and are a light beacon like you were always meant to be. No thinking or strategy involved, in attaining union with the Godhead within your soul.
My work has led me to believe that love is not an emotion, Love is a frequency, a state of being, when one is in love, with him or herself. They will be in love with everything that is in their field of vision, the outside world is only a reflection of the inner world. My belief is that the task of this life is to stay in the highest love frequency/vibration, for as long as possible and to become as immune and well protected to negative energies as possible. One strives to do this because when you are in your love frequency, you will lift the frequency of every one of around you, or trigger them out of their negative vibrations and crack open their protected walls.
The idea that some messianic amount of deeds and transactions, guidance, will save others is more the “saviour” and the “helper” complex, for which I have engaged in ad nauseum. I now know it will never work. A person must decide to walk into the fires of their own soul and heal, no amount of help or support can do that for them. You’re only task is heal yourself, when you heal yourself you are healing the people around you and the whole world.
Love frequency hygiene……would you go to a party or work without showering? No, right because you would smell and make it uncomfortable for all the people in your presence? So then why do you not heal all the repressed trauma, anger, self-hatred, shame, you are carrying? You think it doesn’t affect the people around you…yet they can all feel it, for better or worse, EVERYTHING YOU ARE CARRYING. You change the vibration of every room you walk into, one way or another. Are you healing yourself in order to be the love frequency beacon for others? Or making it harder for people to break free of the paralyzingly powerful frequencies of the Collective Shame Mind?
Unhealed, repressed, angry people are very much comfortable, in the deceptively warm clutch of shame and self-abuse, people play shame tennis, vibrationally, bouncing the ball back and forth and in the safe zone around people that they can fake with and wear a mask with, and be respectful to their Gods of shame. But the Gods of shame and the programs installed in our minds by popular culture, aren’t real. I needed to have profound psychedelic experiences in order to see that there existed a vibration outside of a psychotic smile that belied the feeling of carrying massive boulders of pain. Or that there existed an authentic passion, bliss, ecstasy for being alive outside of an identity based completely on money, a job, transactional deeds for others, and a fake smile that moved in accordance and was synchronized to hitting all the artificial dance moves with master like precision, and posing into a picture of what a “happy, fulfilled” person is.
As it was wrapping up and the divine love light stopped streaming in, I was of course drenched in tears on my face and neck at the astounding, beauty of love and the depth of love I was able to feel in this session. The sheer magnitude and awe I was in about the love we can experience as humans will bring you to tears and shake you down to your core.
I thought- My God, the world would be transformed in one single day, institutions would collapse, people would rise up for peace on a mass scale, military’s would collectively quit and refuse to go to war for the evil agendas of the elite. If every person could experience these mushrooms, just once, we could experience heaven on Earth. Not that we would always be jolly and ecstatic and cheery but they would know this level of love exists, they would strive to get there and be there every day and de-program. People would take a deeper interest and ACCOUNTABILITY for their fellow human and the children that are slaughtered daily in service of geo-political ego dick measuring contests.
I thanked the spirit for coming and performing this excavation and surgery. I was physically exhausted and sore throughout my body. I wanted to keep speaking to her, and continue our dialogue, but she was elusive, curt, humble in her non-grand exit.
I felt a little desperate as I implored her to stay for a bit and comfort me and talk but she seemed to want to go. In a way, I felt I could talk with her and feel more understood by her than any humans I have been around in my life. It was a soul level intimacy, a feeling in heart communication that transcended all language, words weren’t needed.
She seemed to say through energy/intuition- Peter I love you and I always here for you, but I need to go now, we’ve done enough for this meeting.
The feeling is so profound that it brings you to your knees, the earth-shattering awe that is ignited within your heart, the magnitude of love, is simply incomprehensible. This love that is my birthright, miraculous, ever-expanding, ever-forgiving, this is what we were all born to experience, and then to make the magical superpower, work for us. Using the powers of good for transforming the evil that exists on earth.
I got up to pee , it was 4:30 in the afternoon, I wondered if I was peeing out alot of toxins, similar to the way drinking a fruit shake will flush my system. It felt like I had run a marathon and lifted large weights for a few hours. My brain was completely spent, so mentally exhausted of every ounce of energy. CLEANED OUT. It was a jarring feeling to adjust to, like OHHH this is what it’s like to be free of all that junk and poison I was carrying in my head and body, and I thought I had achieved some level of healing before, HAHAHA.
I had ingested the mushrooms at 3:15, it seemed a lifetime away. I felt as if 5 hours had passed in a way, maybe a few weeks, or months, in a way, like I jumped the train tracks of linear time, onto the track of soul time’s, (eternity) for a short while. I looked at the window, the world appeared completely different, because my perceptual lens had been altered, I traveled somewhere else in spirit but stayed in the same physical location. The same thing happens when we sleep.
I laid back down and I felt a certain loneliness sweep in, like a desert, with a breeze that swept a dustball past. It was painfully obvious that the spirit was gone now and was not coming back. I felt such a deep void of emptiness in my soul, at that moment, a little girl shrieked or screamed down the street from me, that seemed to encapsulate the pain, craziness, suffering of this world that has become so commonplace, glossed over, repressed in favor of politeness, and a good one minute career/marriage status spiel.
At that moment, these other entities seemed to be approaching me, like they were trying to sell me something, maybe an idea for a screenplay, like Hey, Peter! I want to tell you about this book idea, it’s gonna change the world! They felt in the frequency of fame, I felt a certain sense of suspicion and my intuition told me to tread lightly. I seemed to soak in this whole world of hollywood, the fame, the show, how empty and dark it was, how it was a trap. All my ego and power fantasies in which I would be well-known, were in service of such a dark, ego based, shallow perspective. I felt in my bones how miserable most of those famous people are, that they are nothing more than slaves to validation, or under mind control, clones, essentially paper cut out dolls, or puppets to evil controllers behind the scenes, many or most of them.
Eventually, seeing later that this was a pivotal, teachable moment in the trip. I basically said, No, get the hell out of here, NOW! I’m done for today, I’m tending to my garden and healing from the massive de-rooting that occurred today, SELF-CARE TIME. Such a deep sense of knowing had been installed in me that day, to tend to my garden, and be mindful of the energy as very much (non-renewable) and time in a human body in this lifetime, as very much (non-repeatable) (precious) there is only so much energy one can expend in one day.
The sense was that now I am aware of this shadow the shadow of myself, but also the shadow of humanity that was shown to me in the trip. I was shown how crucial it is to be aware of the darkness and integrating and how scary and detrimental it can be when it is not allowed up for air.