I’m awkward and I love that about myself

BECAUSE it means:

-phonies and fakes know they can’t run their game with me or use me as their role player to read their script of a fake life. I’m not a well trained Rockette on Broadway who is obsessed with learning my moves down to the millisecond and inch, I don’t care if you like me or not, I care about connecting with hearts that want to open and expand. I care about your heart opening, not your defenses and ruses and fake happy.  Where’s your pain? That’s where the treasure lies.

-salesmen and energy vampires have a harder to running their game on me and know right away to leave. GOOD, I’m not open for acting/con artists/users business,

-People are more disarmed and see they can trust me more than someone who is perfectly polished.  Also means with many many people I just fumble and botch the interaction but so what!

-I CAN’T HIDE MY HEART, you ever say to yourself how actually amazing you are for not being able to pretend to be happy all the time, that you have the courage to feel the sadness that most never can confront and instead drown themselves in distractions, so the sadness and trauma goes unhealed?

-No two interactions are the same, in my entire life, how many people can say that?  Fuck social norms, we’re going to new places in our hearts when we cross paths. If many don’t want that, fine.  You either resonate or you don’t.

-How many people just read off a script and always keep the “polite” barriers up (fear, safety) -AUTHENTICITY ISN”T WELCOME HERE, should be written on their foreheads.

-“Rejection” is an outdated, irrelevant concept to me, how could I be rejected by anyone or anything when I love my own soul and am in remembrance of my eternal essence? It’s all a game, made to find newer and more creative ways to love.  Eternity is a long time….sooo we had to get creative and challenge ourselves a bit.

-People that desire to know about their inner world and intuitively grasp the appreciation of real heart, see this in me, and they will come, I know they will begin coming now more, because I already feel it in my heart.  I feel them in my heart and I am putting out a stronger signal every day. Our signals are going to begin aligning our paths and the universe is paving the way.

-The soul family is on the way, no more “work” required- I tend to my garden daily, uproot dead plants, polish, clean, excavate my heart, charge up the God battery, and bees, butterflies, and a rich array of animal life is attracted to my beautiful and luscious garden.  I BEAM that starlight in my heart every day like a warrior and I know I’m going to be taken care of.  Because I didn’t come here for orgasms and job titles and imaginary identities, I came here to anchor heaven on earth with the power of our souls and hearts, and I’m done pretending otherwise.  I think the universe is taking notice of the singleness of purpose in me.   What could you root out of your life that is sending the universe mixed messages about what you truly want?  The job that you loathe that you have to give a 2 minute spiel about to every person you meet?

-Awkward people are truly precious in my book because they have the guts to write a BRAND NEW SCRIPT for every interaction, what they are, is a person who isn’t doing your boring, safe, repetition, and they have the guts to be vulnerable and people consider that weird, because people are cowards, vulnerability terrifies all the well-polished fakes, fuck ’em!  We GOT HEART! And that’s all that matter’s, all that ever will matter, HEART!

-“Awkwardness”- the way this American (programmed) culture uses the term, mostly means- that person acted human, fallible, not perfect, and vulnerable around me and I can’t handle it so let’s ostracize them! It made me uncomfortable because it showed me that I might not be as happy as my act,  he’s weird, I don’t want to be around him!  Maybe he was simply acting as a CLEAR MIRROR to show me my SHADOW side that I keep good and repressed 100% of the time!  We are safe with all the other good actors who want to stay in the shallow end.  Puppet smiles, dead, lifeless look in the eyes, hollow exchanges of words to keep up imaginary facades of GOOD LITTLE BOY, drink your jukebox and make your money in the fancy skyscraper with the fancy rope hanging from your neck and the tight collar.   Whose a good boy!!!!

To anyone called “awkward” throughout their life–  Know that this one person thinks/knows (me) that being called “awkward” is actually one of the highest compliments and I commend you for living with a raw, open heart. You are a warrior, helping humanity every single day every single interaction that you carry that vibration of love, your on the front lines of changing the world.  I hear, I feel it and I am honored to be here with you. ONE HEART AT A TIME.   You inspire me to bare my soul more, and I want these people to know how special they are, no more hiding and feeling ashamed for EXPRESSING our heart’s FIRE.

-I’m here waiting for my soul family, where we will cry and commend each other for it, we will CELEBRATE IT (Not act as if something is “wrong, or needs to be fixed” for FEELING the infinitely expanding heart opening), going to new and unexplored frontiers on the collective heart of humanity.  Crying opens my heart for the infinite source love to come in.

Isn’t all anxiety/stress/depression just eternal love from source trying to pry it’s way into your heart but you are grasping and clinging to your construct of ego and “individual” still? Surrender to this death of self and keep dying daily, and that’s just the start.  The thing is, that deaths precipitated by the heart are pure ecstasy and can slingshot you into new dimensions/more expanded consciousness and the deepest connection to your fellow human.  Also, the heart’s infinite, there’s no end to this kind of love, it’ll never stop deepening and expanding, your actually finding new, never before experienced dimensions of consciousness and unlocking it for the collective of humanity.  Huh, think of that, the person called shy sensitive, weird, their whole life, actually on the front lines of finding new worlds birthed by the magical blackhole of the heart.  This society is a mindfuck isn’t it?  People telling you your weird for not dancing their dumb dance since you were born?

The shy, the broken, soft hearts, that just want to love in their deep and tender way and are overwhelmed by the nonsense and hoopla of this world, the people that no one ever understood: I am you and you are me, and I’m here with you always, we’re in this together, I love you, it doesn’t matter if we haven’t met, I love you so much and you’re going to rock this world when that heart opens up, it’s coming, I feel it.  Have you ever considered that most people just can’t handle your kind of love, your raw, power, the multidimensional powerhouse of a soul that you are, so they ostracized you for it?  Have you ever considered that the world hasn’t even seen or felt your unique, one in a gazillion kind of love and energy and that’s why you came here?  To introduce it to this world?

The raw, REAL souls, that have been the pariahs and isolated loners up to now, are going to be a force in this world, we are working to collectively working to RIP OPEN THE HEART OF HUMANITY TO begin this healing together, as one.

The person at the party, who feels out of place and is quiet and “just doesn’t fit”, no matter how good I get at coming out and being more of an extrovert, whatever success I achieve, I’ll always feel and know that person so much better than any of the “cool” people.   Just keep going, I know that the world is going to see and feel that heart one day, you can’t stop this kind of power: love is supernatural.



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