I’m not even here, I’m just God, and so are you.

I done died and lived again on DMT, huh
See this a type of high that won’t come down
This the type of high that get you gunned down

Shit can get menacin’, frightenin’, find help
Sometimes I scare myself, myself

I can feel the spirits all around me
I think Prince and Mike was tryna warn me
They know I got demons all on me
Devil been tryna make an army

-Yikes, Kanye West

Quarantined on the Isle of Man, and I’m trying to escape any way that I can.

-Lazaretto, Jack White

My consciousness has always had this weird, unreal quality to it, ever since I was a kid, I thought, I’m here but I’m not here. Where is the center of gravity to this consciousness? What’s the anchor? what is real? To this existence, this doesn’t always feel real. The levels of realness oscillate, my perception is like a thin veil.  Something is hiding behind all the visual perceptions and sounds in this world, that is deep in my soul: a much deeper knowing.   I go somewhere else when I sleep, some alternate universe, so does the astral/dream realm hold keys to my origin?  Something is aware of me being aware, and then something is aware of that awareness, like I’m TOO aware.  Or I exist on multiple planes, do we all, does my spirit travel back home to my home frequency/dimension when I sleep?

I’m saying these words, I’m thinking these thoughts, but are they really mine?  Is this person I am speaking with even here, or did I imagine him?  Did I imagine me? Did I create me, like Picasso, did I paint and create every last particle, of this earthly 3D flesh vehicle called Peter?   He’s fine, but he’s just an external mask, he’s just the vehicle, the vessel, the conduit for spirit to work through.   I came here on a mission. The only thing I care about doing on a daily basis is finding the calls, the direction, to where I am going, fulfilling my soul mission.

What is the truest expression of this soul?  I must sit and talk with energies, spirits, silence because they are always singing:  new frequencies, knowledge, and downloads. What could be more important? Tell me.

I’ll never stop asking this, trying to be the empty vessel for spirit to come through and work through.  This isn’t real,  it’s a dream that we made up.  If you can think of something and believe that it will come into “reality” and you put every last ounce of focus, trust in spirit, and belief into, it will come to pass.  But nothing else must occupy your mind space, like say (bullshit people, TV, media, smartphone, music) Think of Morpheus training Neo, if he can believe it will happen, it will happen.  That is what this world is.

It’s just that most think a low vibration in the hierarchy/self-hatred/consumption/jealousy/FAKE NICE/FAKE POLITE hyperloop is what real or “steady” happiness is, so they will never escape it. they are trapped.  They are Truman in the Truman show, they think this is all real, they’ve never seen outside of the egoic vibration and way of perceiving the world, never glimpsed, felt, or even tried to see that we truly are ONE.

COFFEE during the week, and alcohol on the weekend will do just fine for the robots.  Bars are where insecure, repressed people go to lower their consciousness and talk to other sad people that are dying inside.  Friends and family that want to have heart to hearts with me at 3 am after a night out drinking, I’m thinking…… I want to do this ALL THE TIME, and I”M THE FREAK RIGHT because I do it without needing chemicals.  Hahaha, but I’ll listen to you pour your heart out, this is what I do when I go to Peru. Is the bar, the acceptable masking, escape, even …therapy,….for all the successful….supposedly “happy” people?

But to get to the “oneness” or just knowing it exists (not that you feel it at every moment) (the mystical state of dissolving into the universal consciousness but also feeling like the entire universe is in you)…. parts of ego need to DIE, or you need to temporarily leave that construct of “ego” and individual, which isn’t always pretty.   We can go to a cabin in the woods and meditate 10 hours a day until you have a looser grasp on this earthly being you have labeled….you. Because you are not you, as much as it comforts you to believe you are.  You are everything that ever was, is and will, be, it’s all inside you.

We’re all drawing from the same supercomputer of consciousness.  You have the ability to think the thoughts, feel the emotions of others because your soul is just a fractal split off from their soul

Can I get some help here mothership? Some guidance? Angels, spirit guides, ancestors, soul group, soul family in the higher dimensions?  We doing this or what ?  I’m ready to walk the path.  Where’s my soul family?  I’m ready to meet ’em.  Yeah, my blood family is great and all but I know that we incarnated together to fulfill and play out karmic lessons for each other.  That’s why they trigger me the most of anyone, yes, yes, spirit, I know, we’ve been over this, they have the hardest lessons to teach.   But where’s my soul tribe dammit???   People that SPEAK my language, whose WEIRD is my WEIRD, who want to go play and live in the landscapes and universes we can construct with our minds.  Talk about God and emotions, and dimensional travel all day everyday.    I want to meet MY PEOPLE: the people that will explode if they have to see one more advertisement, or talk about “selling yourself,”  Or can’t breathe another word about American media without going insane (everything you see on TV is a manipulatable image, so what exactly makes you think the media corporations wouldn’t treat like a high-budget Hollywood film: good actors, solid script, every day, 24/7.)

Is this body a car and am I just the one pulling the gears and pressing down the gas pedal?  I’ve always had this intuition since childhood that this isn’t my real home, my spirit, my higher self was always beckoning to me to find what is at the truth of my core.  I think my higher self is so persistent, and stubborn that he destroys any fake interaction from the get-go, just obliterates my ability to be fake by making me blush and fall flat on my face.  For example: not once in my life have I been able to fake interest in a girl (sexually, like a pick-up scenario) ….so what this resulted in, was hundreds or thousands of the most cringeworthy interactions with the opposite sex you can possibly imagine.

I earned that, all the seconds of the silence between pauses during my failed social interations in childhood, that comprised the material that crystallized and hardened into rock layers, burying my heart for most of my life.  The wisdom, the heart knowing, that comes with being labeled “the awkward one” “the loner”   ” the weird one.”  “the mute”  for that many years……..you can’t buy that kind of wisdom, you can’t find it in a book, it’s carved straight out my heart with a knife, paid for in blood, pieces of my heart ripped out of me.  It ingrained so so deep in my heart, that the acceptance and approval of the crowd doens’t mean JACK SHIT, and the only things that matters is letting that fire in your soul burn up and bring the lightning bolt that is your soul crashing into the hearts of every living human you encounter.

When the scars healed, I learned that they were always meant to become my superpower.  God had to have someone look out for the people who are suicidal and depressed, didn’t he? To look out for the people that don’t sell themselves off for a smile and a nod of fake approval, people that have the courage to feel the infinite depth in their heart in a sociopathic society?   Whose looking out for the suicidal vet who wants to put a gun in his mouth and end it all?  My heart feels that guy every single day I wake up, and all the millions like him.  The fire in me, continues to rage and burn for those people.  They are why I came here.  Not to be liked by the self-righteous phonies,  dead-inside validation whores, the herd of cowards, and ideology monkeys.  Self hating idiots are everywhere and they will project their hatred of themselves out onto anyone in their field of vision, so stay away.

Mediocrity, cowardice and copycats are EVERYWHERE.  What if MEDIOCRITY AND REPRESSION, treadmill-money-whores are so prevalent that it is what we define as NORMAL?   Because expressing from the soul makes you a freak in this society?  Simpletons are everywhere.  People asleep, living someone else’s life just to get a pat on the head and told that they are a good obedient dog who deserves some sex, some pills, to numb the pain of being a gutless, docile, robot and some offspring to tell you you’re special.

Isn’t stress just a person’s soul screaming at them and the person not listening? Listen to your soul and quit that number crunching slavery.

Now I have this intuition that my higher self loves fucking with my head, when I get too attached to an identity or a passing emotional state, he throws a wrench into my vibrational field and destroys my illusions.  One day I’m riding high, feeling like I have found some peak or resolution to all my problems and I’m getting a bit cocky, and then all of a sudden I’m in tears or cursing all of humanity, realizing that at each plateau or seeming summit, there are about 100 more illusions in myself that I discover and must destroy.   My higher self is a tricky bastard.  But that’s me, My higher self is me, from the future, that’s the me that wrote this whole story before I incarnated, so I wrote a story in which I play the necessary tricks on myself at the right times, for my highest growth, continually destroying each ego attachment at each plateau of growth.   At each level of the growth and liberation of your consciousness, ego is hovering right there, looking to hijack it.

I don’t feel like anything is mine really: ideas, insights, opinions, a style, I’m just just channeling god energy really, just tapping into a power we all have, a frequency that houses the unique expression of God that you were meant to bring here, that we can all access in ourselves at any moment.

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