Divine Feminine Rising

To be born again
In another world
In another world
In another time
Got a home on high
Ain’t nothing but a stranger in this world
I’m nothing but a stranger in this world
I got a home on high
In another land
So far away
So far away
Way up in the heaven
Way up in the heaven
Way up in the heaven
Way up in the heaven
In another time
In another place
In another time
In another place
Way up in the heaven
Way up in the heaven
We are goin’ up to heaven
We are goin’ to heaven

-Astral Weeks, Van Morrison

My higher self (the future version of Peter) already knows something that I haven’t grasped at the conscious level yet.  My inner world, my soul is in the process of intense metamorphosis. I have been in the incubating, like the cocoon stage of the caterpillar and I think just now the butterfly is beginning to birth.   I feel it every day, the growing pains (energy moving in and out of my head, vibration, constant ringing in my ears and head, the last 4 or 5 months, like the spirits or Gaia is trying to tune me to her channel and in the process, de-pressurize my dense mind constructions from a lifetime to listening to the misguided patriarchal systems of domination and subjugation.)

I want to make my 3D reality catch up and I’m just like screw it, just let the shifts be what they are, miraculous and defying human explanation, just ride the wave God sent.  Feeling orgasmic throughout my whole body and smiling ear to ear some days, and like time is speeding up and then slowing down, like playing with a rubber band, feeling it’s pointless to look at a clock today, having a lightbulb moment, saying, am I learning how to live in the present moment?  There is nothing that will stop me from going outside right now, laying in the grass, going to swim in the ocean, because Nature is my lover, we are passionately in love. 

Other days, I just sit down, find silence, let the tuning happen, and have no energy or patience for 3D reality and human conversation, the crazy thing is when the spirits or whoever is doing their “tuning” or “de-pressurizing” in my head, it’s almost like this trance.  Whatever energies are running through me, leave almost no room for thoughts or rumination. It is a high pitched hum and vibration in my head, it feels like my skull is being yanked in both directions or being crushed and pushed in on all sides, it is a frequency (from a higher dimension perhaps) is running through my whole body and I can’t focus on anything in the external world while this is happening, I just want to be alone and feel it, and try to intuit what is happening.  It takes all my attention and focus to ride the wave the vibration, and the external world seems unappetizing in comparison.

I just surrender to it, Guides, Gaia, angels, do your thing, I know you got me, I know there’s a reason for all this, I feel like shit right now, but I trust all is working for me at all times.  I say out loud.  I might sit for two hours, try to greet the energies and talk to them, asking about my past lives, or saying:   Are you grooming and preparing me for something?  Or  What needs to be released and excavated today?

It feels very much like these beings are draining a lot of density from my brain and head, some nights, closer to the new moons, or the nights of the new moons (which are once a month), it feels as if mini-tornadoes are whirling and whizzing through my head, in various parts, front to back.  After a 2 or 3 hour sit, I am simply exhausted and don’t want to talk, I just want to relax or go to bed, like electro charges have been running through me for 2 hours.  Some nights, I have inner ear pain, like my equilibrium is off, or I have Vertigo, from what I think is, my dimensional-seeing or feeling, being upgraded, it takes a lot of adjustments in the physical body to fit the new feeling or more holding of frequencies of the light-body.  I think upgrades are happening, and that my DNA is being activated and changing at a rapid rate.

Some days I can’t hide or even pretend. There are so many peters, or fractals or facets of me spinning, morphing, dying, being, reborn at every second.  Some days I wake up and feel like I lived a week in the dream state, and a massive amount of trauma was shoveled out.  It can be hard to operate in the social world where people expect me to be a unified front of an “identity” or a fixed set of traits, when I’m over here going on first dates at the beach with new Peter’s I just discovered, or Peter’s that have been in a coma and just woke up, or Peter’s that can mentor me and deliver jewels of wisdom from the future.   I love ’em all , I am polygamous lover with all the fractally split parts of Peter’s soul. 

Now, after almost 6 months of all of this otherworldly phenomena happening in my body and spirit, I see it for what it is: miraculous.

I wrote in the journal the other day: It’s em-BODY-ment not em-MIND-ment.   

Because lately it has been such a huge adjustment to the way I am feeling and seeing and my sensitivity seems to be increasing 1000 fold.  It feels like I am thinking, analyzing, in a logical and 3D way much much less, like that part of me, is falling off of my being like a massive chunk off an ice mass in Antartica.  I fear losing this control, because that is what shame and re-playing and analyzing past scenarios is about, control, judgment, labeling.  The mind is trying to grasp at old tactics via ego control and power moves but heart’s like: get off me little brother, we’re taking the reigns now.


Mind: I want SO badly to text and call my ex, ask for her back, kiss her, hold her, feels that warm blanket of security and maybe even have sex?

Me: Heart, what do you think?

Heart:  Peter, we have released her in love and continue to send good energy to her and are in deep gratitude for the lessons she delivered, but we are done with that, respect her enough to know it’s not meant to be.  Plug in to your power source, let’s go flirt with the flowers and hug some trees and tell them you love them.  You suck at acting by the way, get that weak shit out of here, who are you trying to fool with this playing small and being dependent act again? We already retired and released that mind program (desperation).

Me:  Thanks heart, I appreciate you moving around the bedrocks of my soul and helping me grow even when I am not even doing anything! Just allowing myself to surrender to your all encompassing love,  what am I saying???  I forgot that my entire being is composed of love, and there is no opposite.  Heart, higher self, thanks guys, I love you.)

I have entertained the idea, that in a way, I am getting dumber, but really I think it is that my ego and rational-mind fears deeply, losing the stranglehold it has had on my actions and thoughts for most of my life. The mind part of me is desperately trying to cling on but it is dissolving.

It has been an intense and profound activation of my heart and intuition, taking back the reigns, this whole apprenticeship, the energies have been working hard to do this, I finally understand it more clearly…..it is all happening to dissolve the silly structures and illusions of certainty, of superiority and separateness that the mind craves so badly, and to begin activating the free- wheeling, spontaneous, intuitive, feminine, freely loving and non-discriminating HEART.

Have you ever noticed that the more a person is married and attached to their Point of view, political party, philosophical orientation, usually, the more insecure and unhappy the person is?  This is why I know there are certain people in my life there is no point in engaging in debate.   They seek certainty in a universe that laughs at the notion, these people seek certainty in their ideologies like an 90 yr-old woman clutches her cross in rural England, hoping for the end to come soon and quick, please let there be a heaven, let there be a heaven, please, God, take care of me, I have lived a life of service, I raised three children to be honorable and give first, think later.

A person with many fortresses of certainty, and opinions as anchors to their boat of life= a person scared, traumatized, repressed and afraid of their own light beyond societal structures that define and pat them on the back constantly.

The guides and energies are teaching me to listen to my heart, let my heart lay out the path.  Heart and intuition is opposite of planning, certainty, tight hold and control on outcome.  Heart and the feelings arising from it, in me, are just : let’s dive into the fire, dive into the unknown, I want to know more different aspects of this avatar, or character Peter, he can be funny and child-like at times, I have missed this child Peter, I forgive him and want to give myself a hug and laugh off the fact that I took this human game so seriously for so many years.

In the beginning, back in November/December I simply felt overwhelmed, this heart sinking heaviness, an earth crushing sadness, I would see that I could sit for one or two hours, cry or just feel it and validate every single emotion and vibration coming through me, and it would abate, I would be left feeling lighter like I was cleansed of it.  I started to learn after a while that I was tasked with transmuting these heavy and dense energies and emotions, could it be on a given day, the sadness of 50,000 people I am feeling?  Or the anger and greed of 30,000 rapists and murderers?   Or 100,000 starving, dying children in the deserts of Oman on another day?  There is an intuitive knowing that has sunk into me during this apprenticeship, that my heart is beating with humanity and I am picking up what is happening in the collective. Which has instilled the deeper wisdom that I must keep my side of the street, or my mental backyard, clean and healthy, because it effects the collective love force and energy, like each and every one of us does.

So in the last, most recent two months, it’s like these spirits or energies are beginning to balance me out, they have had to use heavy and dense sculpting mechanisms in the beginning to excavate and clear me out, and now I am finding my power again, after the incubation period of the seed in darkness in the ground, I may be beginning to poke my head above the soil and starting to sprout, but I needed to make friends with darkness first and learn that I am the darkness as much as I am the light, always and forever.

I am eternal and so are you, you could never be alone and you could never be apart.   I love you, because I love myself, so, so much, and having a heart is having a superpower with a magical portal to other realms.

I have enjoyed romancing all of these Peter’s in my soul and heart, there is an infinite amount. There are endless multidimensional versions of “reality” and of this character “Peter”, and so little time.   I need time to explore and court and seduce them all,   Is it that everyone in the external world is just another broken off fractal of me that I created in an external, visual form? As in, we are all one, like the external world is an exact re-creation of my inner world and everything is created and originated from within me?

I can’t be in a romantic relationship right now, why have all my  relationships felt so limiting, so ill-fitting, like handcuffs or something?   My soul thirsts for companionship with all the past and future versions of Peter and in doing so, orienting myself to the fact that everything that ever happened and ever will happen, lives inside.  I have the keys to the whole universe inside me, and so do you.   I chart out trails and treasure maps in these lands daily.  It’s like navigating a magical place, Narnia, or Oz or something.

I have needed all of this solitude to begin to see that THERE IS NO SEPARATION ever, I am with every person I love at all times, we are TIGHT in the higher realms.  I sit and meditate and send my love to a person, envision a golden beam coming down from the skies into my crown chakra and then envision my heart shooting the golden beam into their heart, then seeing the golden light exploding out from their heart to out to ten feet around them in all directions. I then envision the person bursting into frantic tears and wails, screaming, wailing from the depths of their soul and me saying “I hear you, I feel you in my heart, it’s ok, let it all out.” and hugging them as they cry out a lifetime of repression, anger, sadness that this society told us you need to bury.

I then envision the person being flung up into the sky about 50 feet above the ground or above whatever mundane societal charade they have pretended to be defined by or are stuck in, like being polite at school or work, or some other place where many or all are asleep to the truth of their heart and soul in exchange for worship of empty idols.   I see the person I care for, beaming up in the golden light aura, flying above, transcending the self-limiting beliefs they previously had and this fills my heart with gratitude and a feeling that I am trying to help and contribute.   Then I am up there with them, with these golden auras around us as the fuel for our natural jet-packs, “Ok, you ready for an adventure?  Where do you want to go? Australia?  A german mercenary outpost during the revolutionary war on long island?  The Andromeda Galaxy? The white house? Let’s do this!!”

I believe this intention has a paper trail, the universe and the cosmos hears it. It takes effort and energy to do this, I am drained when I do this for a while in meditation, so why wouldn’t it be heard, or felt by that person, even if they never know it at the conscious level?  Imagine me and the 5 moms in my meditation group doing the golden light visualization, it’s pure magic in my opinion., the collective intention is electric and powerful, it’s laying down a grid of powerful energies to combat the greed and hatred and hurt in this world.

I can’t stress this enough, be accountable for the thoughts and intentions, you have on a daily basis, because they are felt by the collective.   Often it is hard to draw the line, because what you feel most days, is not even yours, it is this heaviness of the majority of humans hating, envying and giving into the delusion that they are separate from all.  Combat that by sending out loving thoughts of forgiveness, and patience, patience, to recover from a lifetime of self-induced trauma via mechanisms of a dominator, soul-less culture, in my case.

One thought on “Divine Feminine Rising

  1. Hey man – praying for you to discover the One who gives the answers and meets the depth of the heart’s need for that love and longing. You write with a freedom that caused my heart to reach out of my chest and say, “Wait, man! Some spiritual stuff is not what you want to welcome in.” I don’t know if you have met him, or heard of him, but try the name Jesus in your communication. Call out to him. Let him come. He will. He’s God and man, for you, knows your deepest heart and will meet you powerfully. I know he has come to many in dreams and visions. But best I can speak of his healing in my own heart and life. You live one time, man, not multiple times. And what you want is true hope with someone you can count on. There are all kinds of voices and illusions, I know, so, just saying try Jesus. There was a man who sought him out at night, a guy who was a religious ruler among his people, who came saying, “Master, we know you are sent from God for no one could do the things you do if God were not with him.” And Jesus responded, “I tell you the truth, unless you are born again you cannot see the Kingdom of God.” This conversation, recorded in the Holy Writings (Bible), John 3: 1-16, is what I thought of reading the lyrics to the song you included. There is such a thing as being born again. It’s Jesus, man. Jesus. He is the source of true spiritual life. Take care.


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