I was born with a broken heart

And I wouldn’t have it any other way.  I cry the tears of a million starving orphans, the tears of the sunken slave ship, and the the burned, the tortured, the murdered, the unloved, the cast off, the executed, the outcasts and the lepers whose souls’ wither away in isolation, as the crashing waves of neglect erode the shoreline of their hearts.

I carry the untouchables in me, I honor them with every breathe I take. My heart beats for them, they give me strength. I relate and feel more deeply connected with the unloved and unheard more than any girl I ever dated, any friend I ever had, because the pulse of humanity, beats in my heart, pushes blood out to my extremities.

Although I spent my childhood in confusion, in sadness that this world had no context for me.  I cried for no reason often, beauty in a person, in nature, would choke me up, for no reason at all.  I was taught to toughen up and ignore my heart.  Teachers, parents, coaches, therapists couldn’t reach down far into the ocean of sadness in my heart to measure, for they didn’t know of the unique and boundless energy signature that I was destined to bring.   That this energy and the spirit housed in this vessel was going to carve out its own paradigm, that this soul came with a mission implanted it, that there was a reckoning coming to earth, a unique energy called for.

As a kid and always, I felt alone, and in my soul feeling that nothing physical, no consensus, no pretty face, no sex, no medal, no college, no job could quench the thirst, the drive embedded in this heart and soul. I knew from a young age, having no one to relate to, unfazed and unimpressed by the idols and trophies and popularity of my formative years.  I thought “What is this whole dance?  What are we striving for? More awards, more objects, more masks, on and on and on?  Can I ever get off this treadmill?””

And one day, today, I say, thank you Gaia, thank you for this existence, thank you soul, I know went through all that for a reason, for divine remembrance, for the sacredness that IS this unrepeatable soul, this lightning bolt of a soul, that’s gonna go out in a blaze, but not before others ride this lightning with me, not until others feel the electricity flowing in my veins, the pain, the tears, the ecstasy,  the uprising of the slaughtered and cast off and unloved that live in me, that I carry with me. The world is going to feel what I feel, one way or another, because it’s too good not to share. It’s too beautiful and amazing: the sadness, and darkness especially, because that means I feel DEEP down in this heart.  I want you to feel all this with me.  Feel my heart beating with your’s, as we are tuned to the Earth frequency, like a guitar string tuned to the six other strings.

When you cry, I say that means you can feel and you got a skilled and beautiful heart that captures and hears the divine messengers’ flares.    I can’t describe the amount of gratitude I have for this life, this earth,  I believe, truly that all the sadness, all the isolation, was a blessed, sacred gift, it all happened for a reason.  There’s no word’s to capture the feeling of this, so I’ll just say this,….. life’s a fucken miracle, every breath I breathe and every day I wake up again, is truly a privilege and a dream world of beauty, tears, loss, injustice are as beautiful and profound as joy.  There is no light/dark, good/bad, just deeper and more difficult lessons and carving out of the bullshit to make a clearer path to the beaming core.

This TRUTH is a force of nature and it’s rising, and the only thing, to my mind worth striving for.

No, society, I opt out of the box, here give it to someone else.  I am not human, I am not measurable, I won’t take part in the rehearsal, the choreographed seating chart you want me to stay put in.  The moment you put another in a box, you have confined yourself to that same box, that same set of rules that seek to define something that can’t be defined, a soul.  What a tragedy, another baby was just born that will be told it needs to live in a box of definitions, the definitions and worldview of the parent, driven by their own parent’s guidelines to stay obedient, stay docile, achieve what the rest achieve so you don’t stick out.  Blend in, don’t burst out, is what society’s implicit message is.

I’m off to skydive and free-fall into the bottomless abyss of my soul, more star systems await my exploration down in there.  Consider a feeling in your heart may be charting a new path for consciousness that has never been carved out before and that you healing yourself is raising the collective consciousness, so more souls can build deeper on that path.   In billions and billions of hearts on earth, none can feel the exact way you feel, you got a superpower, you ARE a creative heart energy that the world has never seen. Will you share it with me?

And you measure for wealth by the things you can hold
And you measure for love by the sweet things you’re told
And you live in the past or a dream that you’re in
And your selfishness is your cardinal sin.

-Like Janis, Sixto Rodriguez

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