Today I thought, is the crew of the thick- jawed red haired, receding hairline guys with the earpieces, aviator sunglasses and deep voices going to come find me and put me back in the chair to plug the cable into the back of my head? Am I Neo in the Matrix? If every person is consumed and being brainwashed through 24/7 contact with fear, subliminal programming, and illusion of connectivity that enslaves them on an iPhone and I no longer have one?
I feel like an alien, like I am outside the web of the in-the-know, sort of like the Brave New World though, it is as if I am not taking Soma, the drug that makes everyone happy, obedient, consumers and keeps the utopia running without a hitch.
I will list things and you tell me if they are a symptom of a psychedelic experience or giving up a smartphone after previously being a smartphone addict:
-Increased visual acuity, enhanced auditory texture, more variation within visual spectrum of colors
-heightened creativity, and feelings of universality with humanity and nature
-Seemingly unexplained insights, inspiration, and revelations, about difficult parts of my past
-daydreaming, zoning out, thinking about nostalgic memories from childhood
-feelings of inner peace, complete immersion in the present moment, awe, wonder, appreciation of beauty in nature.
I am 9 days into withdrawals from the smartphone world. What if I want to just take the train to class and not be bothered by a single thing? Can I do that? I have never previously considered this possibility, as a cell phone junkie.
What if I don’t want to be contacted, called, texted, or lasso’ed with your technological signal/text around my neck at all for an entire day, an entire week, an entire month? Because nothing is more important and sacred than my inner peace and connection to God. I just want to be left alone. I never signed up for ICloud because I don’t want the NSA having access to all of my information and conversations. Who am I kidding?? They could record any of my conversations in a split-second even without having my info in the cloud. Silly Peter, you went thinking that you live in a democracy again, where personal freedom and privacy is protected.
If you don’t have the right to explore your own consciousness then what “freedom” do you really have? If there are parts of your mind/soul/body that the government doesn’t want you accessing? When the government can tell you what food, substance, element, chemicals to put in your body? Only psychoactive substances that can be taxed and make you earn earn earn, buy buy buy! Nicotine, caffeine, alcohol.
So my dilemma is that my phone screen smashed when I dropped it and I entered the passcode incorrectly too many times, because the screen went Tourettes and filled in the passcode 100 times, and when you do, the phone is automatically wiped by Apple, so all my contacts, pictures, videos are gone. The weird thing is, after an initial dread and panic, I very quickly relaxed into a state of freedom and the past 9 days have been like that. Going out to the store, the restaurant, the meeting, for a walk in the park, and no one can bother me; such peace, such liberation from the past, future. It is a slow and reluctant settling into of the present moment, from which I flinch and hide from when I have my drug (cell phone).
So now what do I do? I am simply enjoying being phone-less too much to give this up. The important people will have my number, how many drunkenly acquired numbers of girls in bars from 5 years ago, who I never called, or they were just fake numbers, will be cleansed from my phone? There’s a blessing. I am tempted to get a hammer and make it official, make it a symbolic destruction of this old life of enslavement to phone distraction and christen my new life of freedom, maybe get some champagne.
I don’t want to be found, I am with the wind and the trees, wandering across the plains and deserts, and mountains. I want to be the conscious presence, dissolve into and fly away and be everything, be one with every living thing. I don’t want to take part in a text conversation with you where a conversation is dragged out into this 5 hour never ending, anticipation, waiting game like you have stretched a rubber band in between responses. Call me on the phone and get the interaction over with, set a meeting place, to meet in REAL LIFE later tonight, and then let me get back to my inner peace.
A cell phone is like having the worst kind of enabler of a schizophrenic patient (me), it can entertain every last wild delusion, fantasy and thought and you could become truly brainwashed, or really, so dependent on it that you are incapable of actual original thought. Which I would say is a good way to describe a lot of people my age and younger: incapable of original thought: brainwashed and swayed by the herd.
The snapchat generation: they are the tale of Narcissis, seeing his reflection in the pond, re-created in modern life. The kids watching the snippets of video on snapchat on the train making noise and completely unaware of the people around them and their disturbance- drive the engine of our insidious, self-absorbed culture. If you are important in my life, you will find me.
I want to re-learn how to interact in the world, how to look people in the eye and have a human conversation. These days most conversations I would equate to speaking with a twitching heroin junkie, who can’t focus on what your saying because he is just itching, craving, thirsting for his next injection and when he will next pick up a bag. There is an erosion of love, respect in this world that is reaching epidemic level proportions. Big brother, and the corporatocracy needs you more loyal to that blue light phone screen than your wife. How many guys these days jerk off to porn way more than they have sex with their wife? Unbeknownst to the wife or not. 50% 70%, 90%?
Being anonymous in this world (lack of confirmation that I exist on the technological plane every 3 minutes) and protecting my space is empowering, what then will I have to worry about? If I actually take a stand for my inner peace? 1. One less source of junk feeding, fame praising, vapid news stories and the ILLUSION of connectivity that leaves me feeling even more alone, drained, stressed out.
Have you considered just giving up mainstream, or any and all news for a week? I think people are afraid to be left out when someone mentions…. Did you see that school shooting in Florida? Did you see what Trump said today? Did you see Charlie Sheen overdosed and died? I knew it was gona happen! Doesn’t it become like a merry go-round at a certain point? Like the politicians will just throw all the smoke and mirrors and bullshit at you and watch you eat it up while they keep their boots firmly on our throats and secure their payouts and unchecked power.
Last week I was taking the train in the morning and I asked the cab driver to borrow his cell phone to make a 30 second call and I was going to ask someone to pick me up from the station, then I asked a random person at the station, and I asked the conductor when he clicked my ticket. All of them said no. I understand a cell phone is a personal thing, I am a tall, large male, who could easily be perceived as dangerous or as a threat to steal it. I felt hurt, cast off, worthless, angry that our world is this cold. But there is this undertone…of…..You didn’t buy the culturally sanctioned form of 24/7, access to others at every waking second because every other person did….ugh…not my problem….CONFORM or rot! Didn’t you get the memo that a cell phone has basically been named an extension of the human body in our society? How do you exist when you don’t have identity represented by numbers and blue light?
Facebook is acceptable creepiness, it is one of the most insidious things in our society. It is a prominent tool in the glorification of externals-as-path-to-fulfillment that there is. If you were in a public library or anywhere public and you were scrolling through a person’s pictures and that person walked up behind you to say hello. Would you feel fine? Unaffected? Or would you feel weird, slimy, ogly, and like you wanted to crawl out of your skin? Because it forced you to truly examine how you were idolizing or inflating this person’s good qualities, or coveting/lusting/envying after their abundance of “likes” and the attractiveness of the girls in their photos. Would it help you to re-center and bring into focus how fabricated, false, and constructed of a story, Facebook, is? It may as well be a fairy tale, or a television show.
Because Facebook is designed to make the image of another person into something worth scrolling, ogling, at for hours, Facebook wants to craft a story around even the most boring people, the people who think about suicide frequently and are hopelessly depressed, who get drunk 3 times a week, and don’t tell anyone that they have an eating disorder, and the people who cry and wail because they had a parent who never accepted them for who they are and now every relationship in their life has become a re-enactment of that early parent-child attachment style. Facebook is in the business of making other people’s images look like they belie lives of substance and fabricating stories around it.
Back to phone withdrawals: It’s kind of exciting, going out for the whole day, where no one can contact me, its like I’m dying to the technology world. Let technology Peter be incinerated, every last spec, let him burn and blaze up and, with the ashes of the dead technology Peter, I will lay down the compost in the garden for a real living Peter, not a programmed, trained dog, who is chained to a drug (smartphone)
It’s like I’m dead for the 8 hours that I’m out of the house. And I absolutely love it. I already talk on here about how much I love death, surrender, anonymity, oneness, God-consciousness, union, so why not introduce some more death and dissolution into my life? Introduce a little ANARCHY, as Heath Ledger (the joker) says. What attachment do I need to drop next in order to show the universe that I am truly ready to birth a new me and make room for new divine blessings?
Is this the funeral for technology Peter, screen Peter, the Peter represented by little blue bubbles and symbols, and the Peter that mistook swiping on dating apps, twitter, Facebook, for hours and hours for a LIFE. The Peter, who had an escape fantasy so he googled, “living in Norway”, “living in San Diego” and read blogs for hours about it, all the while having no intention of moving, only letting himself be enveloped and feel a fleeting euphoria about what this fantasy might feel like, and then tucking it back away into the non-actionable, fantasy, escape, repressed, world.
Isn’t the cell phone completely, in every way, a fantasy, escape, repressed world? If you can find anything in the world, on the internet and the internet is at your fingertips 24 hours a days, never apart for a second from it? Then how does this society stay sane? It doesn’t, because insanity, a craving, an itch, a need to have a drug in your blood stream (ping/notification on cell phone) makes you a GREAT consumer (captive, slave, robot, obedient dog following commands.) . It keeps your mind docile and malleable for the corporation’s ideals and appetites to take up residence there. Add in some caffeine and anti-depressants, and some benzodiazepines (Xanax, valium) and we got a full on slave.
I have to be patient, like a heroin addict takes a few months to regain his physical health, it will take time to wean my eyeballs off the constant stream of LED blue light and the steady shots of dopamine into my brain from the latest text and notification.