Am I finite? Questions of Death and Eternity

“Being prepared to receive what thought is not prepared to think is what deserves the name of thinking.” – Jean-Francois Lyotard

The last month, after returning home from my Ayahuasca experience Peru, I have spent a considerable amount of effort in reorienting and re-adjusting to the smack-down of stimulation and race-to-the-top-of-the-pile that IS Western culture. To have the knowledge that Ayahuasca is in my blood, is both deeply heartening and deeply disconcerting. Being handed a mass of almost futuristic sounding messages about yourself is difficult to re-integrate to life at home. It is as if I have traveled into the future and learned things about highly evolved, blissful creatures living in a perfect utopia, or I have stepped into a machine and an operating system of metaphysical reality has been downloaded to my mind.  There is an unmistakable feeling of the spirit of Ayahuasca continuing the relationship, being with me and guiding me towards intuition and insight in extremely subtle ways.

There is a part of me, and all of us that is begging, literally dying to transcend the physical form. Men willing to die for country are as plentiful as blades of grass in the meadow.   What is the reason that self-help books, diet books out-sell every other genre? The answer is being enslaved to the Western concept of “the good life” where excess equals bliss, status equals meaning.

Why are cigarettes, coffee, and alcohol in the middle of a gold rush of sales? They are a drug as much as LSD is a drug.  All the deaths from psychedelics combined, don’t kill the millions per year that alcohol. But who cares right?  Alcohol is still safe and conventional right?  There has recently been a $100 million dollar study commissioned and funded by five major beer companies to assess the health benefits of moderate alcohol consumption.   Does this infuriate anyone else?  That money could be used to research psilocybin, Ayahuasca, LSD for its therapeutic effects and life-saving benefits for the suicidal, depressed, and those suffering from PTSD. Instead the companies continue to push the DRUG alcohol that kills thousands every year.   Drugs that dull and lower the level of our consciousness: CIGARETTES, CAFFEINE, ALCOHOL are as welcome as hookers and cocaine at a U.S. Congressman’s Hampton’s party.   Psychedelics expand consciousness, they don’t suppress and dampen it like the “acceptable” drugs today.

Our society can’t abide taking a look inward and actually examining the motive for endless consumption and lust for wealth.  It is too painful to realize how empty our lives have become.  Have you ever considered that Americans have this frequent “bad trip” as a direct result of the toxicity of our consumer and beauty obsessed and complete demonization of spiritual practices?   The very act of exploring inner consciousness is derided and painted as a practice only for crazy people. We have been trained to think of a deeply meaningful, challenging, and indispensable tool for growth, as an evil substance taking over our minds.  In twenty years, we will look back at the utter foolishness of scorning psychedelics for medicinal purposes.  Who owns your right to explore your own consciousness?  Does the government have the right to control what you choose to explore in your own brain and the ideas, beliefs, potential for love and connection that are housed in there?

‘Reality’ is the greatest hallucination that there is. Your reality is a construction of the machine of the brain, filtering only the most pertinent sensations necessary for your survival.  Television is the most addictive and destructive drug that exists today in my opinion. It is sedation and anesthesia, plain and simple.   Television and news media are an attempt to hijack and control the mass consciousness.   Keep them occupied with the modern day bread and circus!  The idiots don’t realize we are fucking them over daily and consistently.  Let them argue about who can say the N-word and who can use what bathroom while we imprison minorities at an wildly disproportionate rate to keep the wealth gap nice and big like we like it.   As the great George Carlin said:

“Forget the politicians. The politicians are put there to give you the idea you have freedom of choice. You don’t. You have no choice. You have owners. They own you. They own everything. They own all the important land, they own and control the corporations that’ve long since bought and paid for, the senate, the congress, the state houses, the city halls, they got the judges in their back pocket, and they own all the big media companies so they control just about all of the news and the information you get to hear. They got you by the balls. They spend billions of dollars every year lobbying to get what they want. Well, we know what they want. They want more for themselves and less for everybody else. But I’ll tell you what they don’t want. They don’t want a population of citizens capable of critical thinking. They don’t want well informed, well educated people capable of critical thinking. They’re not interested in that. That doesn’t help them.”

There are moments I have at 2 or 3 am in bed, of a realization and somewhat of full understanding of my eventual death.   My heart rate speeds up, I feel the existential dread of my continuous aging process.  I then float back into the dream state, as the fishing reel bobs below the surface of my unconscious. I thought today. I have unquenchable thirst and lust for a comprehensive understanding of the unconscious, God, the cosmos and humanity, through altered and elevated states. I need to give myself time to calibrate and integrate my first experience before trying to blast through the chasm where everyday reality meets the spirit world so soon.”

I can grasp a small portion of the idea that my physical body is finite. The mechanisms of delusion and denial in my mind are spinning on all axises at all times, so glimpses of true reckoning with mortality are rare and ephemeral.  To contemplate eternity and infinite is beyond the pale of the human mind, and for good reason I think.  It is too much for our primate brains to take in, so we have the sacred practices of meditation to tune in to the divine.

After my time in Peru, my motivations have shifted from healing myself, to an implicit understanding of the imperative that we all have to experience these higher states of consciousness in some capacity.  If it is meditation that you choose to pursue connection with the universe, that’s fine too. These substances and states hold the key to the advancement and healing of the human race. There are many texts on the idea of good and evil by Nietsche, that debunk this Western idea of Good and evil, this sort of good guys vs. bad guys, epic confrontation -conception of morality.   I’ll say this to summarize my views and the supporting philosophy of Nietzsche.

There is nothing that makes a drug inherently evil, and to call it evil, is simply foolish. As it is foolish to call any naturally occurring compound in nature, evil. There is nothing in existence that is evil, only what you think, or the way you misuse it or the emotions you project onto it, that make it so.

With the knowledge that there is much more to “reality” than I ever imagined, my life has become infused with potential and possibility around every corner.   Knowing that there are many more realms, dimensions than what meets the eye, whatever you choose to call them, gives me a sense of hope, but also, it is a stark reminder of my astounding ignorance.  The past few weeks, exploring longer periods of mediation and getting some solitude in nature are stoking the fire I have in me, to explore the profound mystery of a machine in our brains.  The organ that could be so foolish to think it is both the center of the universe at times and, that it has no worth. Both are obvious distortions.  The conscious ego and mind are not to be trusted.  What you will begin to discover when you begin to peel back the layers of the idea that you are an isolated individual, is that it is an illusion.  We are all one and we always have been.  We came from nothing and we will return to nothingness.  The time in between is simply miraculous.

Every day that passes it becomes more overwhelmingly apparent that LSD, Ayahuasca, Mushrooms (psilocybin) have the potential to heal thousands, millions, and spur them to action and to up-end the oppressive power structures as we know them-> the American government (Big Brother). This is exactly the reason Nixon made them illegal. He didn’t want anyone “turn on” to the universal truth that another person attempting to dictate every last facet of your life and existence, is just silly.  The powers of love and unity could do vastly more good than a military hell-bent on possessing the populace through fear and paranoia and the belief that they are defending you from the “bad guys”.  “War on drugs, war on terror.  What’s next?  I’m so fired up and enriched by this group-think and being part of a team, that I need SOMETHING to go to war against!  Otherwise what meaning does my life have?”-The partisan and idealogical sheep of America.

If I have learned something from this year of travel, it is that American culture and society is sick, paranoid and programmed by a parasitic and idealogical media. We have been programmed to be suspicious of joy in all its forms. When I went to Spain I realized that people don’t view every stranger as a threat and that some people are capable of viewing “strangers” as people worth learning something from. The connotation of “American” abroad can be one of two things usually: “loud, abrasive, asshole” or shyster who is scheming in some way to make money.

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